Unsolved Mysteries  Haruhi Edition
by SubZeroGreymon
Summary: In the anime multiverse, there are plotholes to be filled, theoretical scenarios to be played out. My job is to explore them to the best of my ability. My name is Emiri Kimidori. Join me, and you may be able to solve a mystery...
1. Ep 1 pt 1

"One day, at North High, a boy with brown hair and amber eyes,  
Entered his homeroom under a golden sky  
He met a girl with blue hair and eyes,  
She held a knife and said, 'now die.'"

The lights opened up, revealing a light-green haired girl with golden eyes, wearing a beige trenchcoat.

"Was it cold-blooded murder by a blunette? Was it insanity? Or was it all just an elaborate hoax? You decide, as we launch a multi-faceted investigation onto a death that occurred in a universe based on the scenario of what if Kyon died that fateful day," The girl spoke to the audience, "I'm your host, Emiri Kimidori, and join me for my first Unsolved Mystery..."

_**Unsolved Mysteries - Haruhi Edition**_

_**The Death of Kyon - Hoax or Knife?**_

"Was the death of Kyon caused by a humanoid interface gone mad?" Emiri asked, "New evidence may suggest that Kyon may not have really died, that there was a conspiracy that covered up the truth. And who is Kyon? You might know, but for the sake of the program, I shall give a brief view of his life at North High."

"Kyon started his life as an inspiring supernatural seeker, but some unknown point, Kyon lost faith in the supernatural and joined North High a deadpan snarker," Emiri noted, "But shortly after, Kyon joined a club with similar intentions."

Suddenly, the camera shifted to a girl with short brown hair, twin ribbons, and a look on her face that implied she kept a skeleton in her closet.

**HARUHI SUZUMIYA - SOS BRIGADE CHIEF, POSSIBLE BISEXUAL RAPIST**

"Yeah, Kyon joined my club, and he happened to be MY first member," Haruhi spoke, "Geez, I liked him. Why did he have to die?"

"Some time later, Kyon found a note in his locker, directing him to his very homeroom," Emiri continued after the camera returned to her, "Even though the room was completely the same and there were no witnesses, this is what Authorities believe happened..."

_**DRAMATIZATION**_

"Hey there, Kyon," A girl wearing a blue wig spoke.

"Hey, Ryoko," A random guy spoke, "What's up?"

_"Kyon and the killer, suspected to be Ryoko Asakura, exchanged greetings," Emiri narrated._

"I said, what's up?" The guy spoke.

"DIE!" The girl charged at him, stabbing him with a rubber knife.

_"The killer then stabbed Kyon, fleeing the scene with the weapon shortly thereafter," Emiri narrated._

"Blargh, I am murdered-ed," The guy dropped, as the girl ran off.

**_END DRAMATIZATION_**

"The killer is unknown, although Ryoko Asakura has denied interviews. The murder weapon was never recovered," Emiri replied, "Up next, we talk with an expert that might lend new insight on the case..."  


* * *

Commercial Break!


	2. Ep 1 pt 2

"What do you mean, we had too long of a commercial break?" Emiri screamed into her phone, "It ran us into next year! Ugh! Screwed by the network, I say!"

"Ms. Kimidori?" The cameraman spoke, "We're rolling."

"Oh. Sorry, everyone," Emiri waved her hand at the audience, "Network forgot we were running, so we kinda got lost. Anyway, we've gotten some evidence that supports our theory of Ryoko Asakura being the murderer."

We cut to a childishly-drawn picture of Kyon being stabbed by Asakura.

We cut AGAIN to a robot with glowing ears.

**WHEELJACK – GIANT ROBOT, FAILED INVENTOR, SKEPTIC**

"It's a fake!" Wheeljack points out.

Emiri rolls her eyes, seeing that fact quite obviously.

"Well, we have no further evidence as to support the idea of-" *Ring Ring* "Wait, it appears we're getting a call in."

Answering the phone, Emiri sighed.

"Hello, this is the Unsolved Mysteries Hotline," Emiri spoke, "State your mystery and name, please!"

"It's me."

"I'm sorry, who is this?" Emiri raised an eyebrow.

"You know who."

"Well, the phone's toning your voice, so I don't know…"

"It's me. Kyon."

The connection was cut.

"Well… that was weird. Anybody else have an opinion?"

"That phonecall was TOTALLY fake!" Wheeljack replied.

"You're not even in this franchise! Why are you here?" Emiri replied.

"Huh, never thought of that," Wheeljack left.

"Okay, so, we don't-"

That's when the door slammed open, revealing non other then…

"Kyon?" Emiri screamed, "You're alive?"

"Yep, and Asakura did TRY and murder me. Nagato got in the way."

"Good to know!" Emiri smirked, "Now, I can officially say that this mystery has been solved. Next episode, we solve the mysterious organization called NERV!"

"And when will that be?" Kyon asked.

"Heck, I dunno." Emiri replied, "It may be a whole other fic."

"Yare Yare."

* * *

New Chapter Next Week – "NERV – Saviours or Destroyers?"


End file.
